it just not my style

lately i've been very trashy. nothing i've done have a meaning. everything is useless. maybe my brain has stop working right. especially today. i browse trash only. nothings useful.

some link to my today's garbage can:

http://apps.facebook.com/rock_legends/gigs

http://apps.facebook.com/restaurantcity/?pf_ref=sb

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QcTQC_vhwT4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rco71wgm-Bo

http://www.onemanga.com/Goong/

http://www.onemanga.com/The_One/

http://www.mysoju.com/cinderella-man/

well those are really garbage, didnt they? Haha. those just some of them there's lot more to the trashy thing i visit today... lol.

when reality is sucks

i should have studying this time. for the next two weeks i will have my final test. there are 8 subject which i should and need to passed. but why in the world hell did i don't know that i dont have the right mind today. evenly yesterday while i have 2 days off for studying i just agreed to mother's wish to accompany her to my cousin's married. well it's not a bad experienced actually. it just that, why in the world that everything is not in the right time. everything is not fine. 

worstly my emotion. i cant get a hold of it. i feel anxious al the time without knowingly the reason. when i wanted to open the linear algebra book my mind help me to concentrate and learning but my heart is in somewhere else. i have a bad feeling. i know that if it goes on i'll be dead on my exam tomorrow. but i dont have much left energy to battle it. today i feel kinda restless. is not that i dont have spirit. no, nothing like that. my spirit excellent. 

i keep questioning my self did i really loves my college subject? because i dont feel my heart was in here. i loves something very different than this engineering things. indeed i dont have courage to take my own choice. im scared that if i failed i n the field that i have choose my self i cant imagine how i will blame my self for that. in the other hand, i dont feel i'd be success or at least being just ok in this field i've take. maybe im a coward. i dont brave to take the risk. playing safe or defense you could say. i worry if i failed in this engineering things but all i could do is feel hopeless.

another journey to the past

i just re-read my old blog..... the one that i made in senior high. why did i feel as if that blog have more not-trashy writing than this blog? i just didn't realize (or dont want to) believe i wrote those words. its just feel like reading others... well dont hope you will find a good writing just. actually it just another random thought of me especially when i got really bore and have nothing to do. another weird side of me for you to know...

deadly end

nothing in between. really. for sure. definitely. no doubt. seems like all i can do is just rambling garbage. nothing important, nothing smart, and nothing good. all i do is  a can of trash. i really tanks GOD for always giving me chances. giving me joyful. I WILL CHANGE MY SELF TO BE BETTER. I PROMISE. Please GOD, give me more time and chances. please guide me to the right path, show me the way when i'm stuck in the blind alley. please drag me out of this darkness.

lame

hate that lovable man :( why is he have to be so charming and i dont have my own self when around him. soo foolish :( but i love it when he came to see me :)