worstly my emotion. i cant get a hold of it. i feel anxious al the time without knowingly the reason. when i wanted to open the linear algebra book my mind help me to concentrate and learning but my heart is in somewhere else. i have a bad feeling. i know that if it goes on i'll be dead on my exam tomorrow. but i dont have much left energy to battle it. today i feel kinda restless. is not that i dont have spirit. no, nothing like that. my spirit excellent.
i keep questioning my self did i really loves my college subject? because i dont feel my heart was in here. i loves something very different than this engineering things. indeed i dont have courage to take my own choice. im scared that if i failed i n the field that i have choose my self i cant imagine how i will blame my self for that. in the other hand, i dont feel i'd be success or at least being just ok in this field i've take. maybe im a coward. i dont brave to take the risk. playing safe or defense you could say. i worry if i failed in this engineering things but all i could do is feel hopeless.
